14 Jun How to start making a change (when you don’t know how)
The hardest part of getting started is just getting started. We know this all too well. Fear, anxiety, shame, confusion – any number of emotions and psychological states can cloud up your thoughts and stifle your actions.
Articulating what you want or your end goal can be easy – “I want more money.” See, easy. Yet the connecting pieces between where you currently are and that end goal can be a black pit of nothingness. And that black pit can seem endless and insurmountable so you leave it for another day, week, month, year. Yeah. Hits right where it hurts, doesn’t it?
A Conversation to Start
So here’s what we’ve had to learn time and time again:
The best way to wrangle that black pit of nothingness is to have a conversation.
That’s it.
A conversation with someone you trust or someone you like. Or someone you just met or even with yourself. The relationship context is not as important as having the conversation itself.
What is important though is this conversation needs to be OUT LOUD. Your brain has already been listening to your inner monologue all along and it is tired.
No, really, why out loud? For one, when we vocalize we intuitively give ourselves full permission to express ourselves in all ways. With our word choices. With our facial and body expressions. Even with our behaviours and movements. These can sometimes say more than your words ever could.
Second, speaking out loud can be motivating, can help with self-criticism and censorship, and can increase your focus. There’s something about hearing your own voice that can sharpen your thoughts and the picture of what it is you are trying to do. Whether it be “self talk” to put together a piece of Ikea furniture or to calm yourself down during an anxiety attack or it be “big talk” to get people on board with your business vision or to sell a used car.
The conversation is the action you take to get you through the next one. Make sense?
Start the Conversation
So have a conversation about what you want or what you want to do. Right now. Doesn’t have to be long or insightful or perfectly spoken. You can even begin with something like:
“I want …”
“I need …”
“I don’t know …”
Whatever prompt works for you in this moment. This is your start. So start.
Say the words you’ve been thinking and stressing on. Put your external voice to the ideas dancing around your head. Just speak and start a conversation. It will help you spark new ideas, revisit old ones, throw away unhelpful ones and contribute to your overall well-being.
When this conversation is done, congratulate yourself for having done the hard thing – you started. This conversation stands as a pinprick of light piercing that black pit, even if you don’t yet have all the answers you are seeking. You still have passed Go and moved on to Next.
If you need to have another conversation then have it. And another and another. Eventually all these conversations will move you psychologically to the spot where you will feel comfortable taking a bolder action.
And recognize you have been moving, all along, towards your end goal. The “getting started” is behind you now, in the rear view mirror, with your end goal ever coming into focus on the horizon.